Fistful of Ugly

maybe i could read some more feelgood stories about these boston bomb suspects.  even espn has a wonderful article about how the brothers were both gifted athletes.

…idiots!

i haven’t been a little boy in a very long time.  little boys are disgusting.  my carmex rolled under his bed.  i eventually found it in the abyss.  along with…well, whatever hell you call the next stage after raisin.

i realize that they are adorable, but a genetically altered, miniature elephant is probably the worst fucking pet you could keep in your house.  the worst scenario is when you are sleeping with your mouth open and your little pal has decided that you need to get up and take him for a walk…and scores a bullseye with a trunk full of toilet water.

i think i’m going to start telling strangers that i have a degree in cryptozoology…

…166 cats, dead and alive were removed from a home in new york.  some were dead, and some were alive.  well, i guess some could have been both.  i hate cats.  somewhere the owner of a chinese restaurant is relieved that he was not involved.  166 cats dead or alive is really all i would need to start my taco business…

Taco Gato

so, a customer in australia took a photo of their subway footlong sandwich measuring only 11 inches.  they posted the photo and asked subway to explain why a footlong was only 11 inches long…

…men lie, dumbass.